Recently, I have been noticing a trend among my coaching clients: self-sabotage.
Some of my clients are so close to creating their dreams and then, seemingly out of the blue, they encounter some sort of setback, or a situation that causes them to sidestep the end result, or they are proceeding but with an abundance of caution and excuses.
Sound familiar? Let’s start by removing any shame attached to running from your dreams.
One of the biggest reasons we tend to operate from a place of fear instead of trust is because we don’t KNOW in our body, mind, and soul what success feels like. Or if we do, we’ve forgotten. Because the feeling of achieving our desires is foreign to us, it does not feel safe. As a result, your ego may continue to push those goals and dreams out of reach through conscious or sub-conscious thoughts. This is your safety zone.
Because the feeling of achieving our desires is foreign to us, it does not feel safe.
Imagine yourself as a five-year-old, waiting in line at Disneyland to get on the ride of your dreams. When it's finally your turn, you panic and run in the other direction because of all the stories and "what if's" you've conjured up in your mind up about the ride—it’s too scary, you might cry and embarrass yourself, etc.
This ride could symbolize the business launch you are striving for, an investor you’ve been pitching, the loving partnership you so desire. When that goal is within reach, self-sabotaging dialogue could look like:
But I need to work more on myself
But I need to shower and hit the gym
But I need to be more successful first
But I need to wait a few more months until my website is perfect
If you want unconditional love and haven't experienced it before, how can you recognize or trust what it feels like?
If you have a desire to start and sell company and have yet to run a prosperous one, how do you achieve that?
Same for financial abundance. If you want more wealth and only know the experience of being broke or in debt, how do you break that cycle?
What might seem like the harder path is not necessarily more difficult, rather uncomfortable because it’s new and unknown. If we can reframe the way forward, we free ourselves up to reach our goals.
When our mind, body and soul experience the feeling that we want to create, a sense of safety and harmony replaces our ego’s need to be afraid and sabotage our goals.
Here are three steps to support bringing the experience that you desire into your mind, body, and soul so that you can emotionally, mentally and energetically align with your dreams:
1. Awareness
Close your eyes and imagine accomplishing your dream or goal at this very moment. What’s the first thought or feeling that arises? Is it one of elation—or resistance, scarcity or fear?
Take a moment to write it down.
The more tuned in you are to your deeper emotions, beyond the surface level, the better equipped you’ll be to address them before they derail you. These are your clues what might be driving your thoughts and self-sabotaging. The deeper you dig into your emotions, the greater the insights—and the results!
2. Foundation
Next, examine any fears that came up in step one and any underlying beliefs that may be informing them. Are they your fears? Or are they fears you inherited from your parents, mentors, partners, or friends? The more you can identify and understand the foundation of your fears, the easier it is to release and let them go.
3. Honor and Educate
Honor the fears that have shown up and then introduce them a new experience. Imagine and be in the experience of accomplishing the goals that you so desire so that moving forward, you're comfortable and safe to receive and achieve them. You might read a riveting book or melt into movie that captures your desires. Notice the emotions and thoughts that come up as you do so. Are they positive? Is your heart pumping? Feel the experience. And if sabotaging thoughts rear their ugly head, go back to step one and two.
For another approach: Take notice of five people you spend time with who are living their dreams or making progress toward them. Instead of asking how they accomplished their goal, ask them to describe the feeling of doing so, including before and after. In humanizing these emotions and making them tangible, you can start to bring them into your own experience.
When our mind, body and soul experience the feeling that we want to create, a sense of safety and harmony replaces our ego’s need to be afraid and sabotage our goals. With this newfound comfort, you are more likely to attract and embrace aligned opportunities.
Wishing you ease in your journey of many successes. May your mind, body, and soul understand and KNOW in every fiber of your being the experience that you desire.
Career